


WHAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING

by ElmFlowers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Platonic Soulmates, Red String of Fate, Soulmate AU, THANK YOU MS CASPIE, alright we're done here, also when it says mentioned it's like vaguely mentioned, and like i created an entire system for it but i don't explain SHIT, author has no idea what they are doing and she is having the time of her life, can we give a big thank you to caspie in the comments?, has a beta but still has issues, in one two three, pale solkat, that is if i even write it, that's for part two electric boogaloo, there's also witchcraft and stuff that's handwaved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmFlowers/pseuds/ElmFlowers
Summary: Witch Jesus, soulmates, neon pink strings, and a partridge in a fucking pear tree.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora & Sollux Captor, Sollux Captor & Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32
Collections: FWC Soulmate Collection





	WHAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you who clicked on this abomination, this is probably very bad and poorly paced. Read at your own discretion. Seriously, this is my first ever fic and since ao3 hasn't given me an account yet, I'm using my wonderful and absolutely amazing friend and beta, Casper, to post this. Everyone say “THANK YOU CASPER!!!!!!” -Flowchi
> 
> _(Casper's note: I'm literally a disaster don't listen to what Flowchi says, I am but a vessel for her to spread her amazing writing to the world. Also, this fic is transferring ownership the minute she gets an AO3 account, I hope you know, and y'all are going to give her all the damn love in the world for it. I'm showing her every damn comment this thing gets, a'ight?)_

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR, you’re 19, you’re a witch who sells sigils and wards, and you are pretty sure your string is, a bit fucked.

In a world bursting at the seams with magic and witchcraft, things like this shouldn’t faze you. But this is special. Like every witch, you have a red string, the only clue to tell you who and where your soulmate was. Everyone who has the slightest bit of magic running through their veins has them. Some witches hook up when they are young, and some put it off to adulthood, but everyone knows what the color is supposed to be. Crimson red. But uh, slight issue with yours: you’re pretty sure strings shouldn’t be uh, neon fucking pink. 

Literally, the day that you finally achieved awareness of your string, you were kinda blown away by just how fucking pink it was, and kind of had a wee panic attack. Even at ten years of age, you are pretty damn sure that strings were supposed to be a nice red color, easy on the eyes, and any other color besides that was non-existent. But lo and behold, you’ve managed to outwit normalcy again, and be a fucking freak. First, being a powerful as all hell goldblood, and now a neon pink string.

The first thing you did (after a little existential crisis), was to call one of your friends and fellow witch with a lot of books and information, Eridan Ampora. You remember the panicked phone call that was just you going: “ERIDAN SOMETHING IS WRONG PLS HELP.” and Eridan going: “SOL I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF **SUMMONING A DEMON** _PLEASE_ CALL BACK **LATER** , _OH_ ** _FUCK--_** ” and then you heard a crash of books and shit and some screeching.

After going (read: breaking in) to Eridan’s house and tearing through his extensive library for anything soulmate string related, you find in the back of a very, very old and nearly destroyed book, soulmate string colors. Unfortunately, since the book was so destroyed, you couldn't read a single fucking word on the page. 

You were really disappointed that day.

And with that development of yours, you shut your lips about it, hid it under lock and key. Opted out of conversations that brought up strings, instead focusing on developing your skills, learning about history, coding... anything, really.

But, some days, you would sit there with Eridan, reading everything you could about soulmates. You found out where the Strings came from, major events involving it, etc etc. 

The Strings came from the fabric of space itself. Apparently, the Muse (high deity of creation and magic and all that jazz) cut up a bit of the universe and scattered the frayed edges which turned into strings onto a couple humans, which in turn blessed them with magic running through their veins.  Two witches, connected to one another, would have a sort of relay of magic . If a witch didn't have a soulmate, it would be like a battery with nothing to charge. The soulmates charged each other in some sort of weird loop.

Majority of soulmate pairs upon meeting get their lives changed for the better. Happy. Loved. 

Whatever. You’re not bitter.

\------

Switching back to present day Sollux Captor, you sigh into your coffee cup as you try and fight back an ever-growing headache.

You do ward and sigil commissions--pest wards, dead-magic-zone wards, firework sigils, anything that isn't illegal or doesn't harm bees goes. You got a certain knack for it when you figured out your way of making wards and sigils was a lot more like coding, instead of the normal “artsy-fartsy” shit (not to say those who do wards and sigils are not impressive. That couldn't be farther than the truth. Literally, you look at some of the sigils that pop up on some witch social medias and they are fucking fantastical). Your newest client has asked for a ward to keep out pests and such. The thing is: there are a lot of ‘pests and such’. You’ve been asking them to send a clarified list, which they repeatedly dodged. And you are getting progressively more tired.

You scowl into your coffee again. The coffee seems vaguely terrified. Poor coffee.

You stand up and stretch your arms up towards the ceiling, your back and arms going pop crackle snap. What are you, a Rice Krispies treat??? 

A  _ ping!  _ Goes off, and you’ve received a new message on Hexian. You know what? You can come back to the pest ward at a later time, the client never specified how urgent, it’s whatever.

You open up the new message. 

**\--carcinoGeneticist** **[CG]** **began hexing twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **\--**

**CG: HEY, YOU’RE SOLLUX, RIGHT?**

**TA: that ii am**

**CG: ALRIGHT COOL. ERIDAN GAVE ME YOUR HEXIAN BECAUSE HE MADE THE EXECUTIVE DECISION I NEEDED MORE FRIENDS THAN JUST HIM AND KANAYA.**

**TA: ...why me????**

**CG: I DONT KNOW, ACCORDING TO ERIDAN: “wwell ya both are vvery sarcastic vvery snarky and vvery tired all the time.”**

**TA: well ii2nt that the 2weete2t thiing iive ever heard.**

**CG: I KNOW, RIGHT?**

**CG: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I HAVE NOT PREPARED ANY ICE BREAKERS OR SHIT. SO THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD.**

**TA: every 2iingle per2on iive met ha2 been an awkward iinteractiion 2o thii2 wiill probably iineviitably be no diifferent.**

**CG: COOL, GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE.**

**CG: ACCORDING TO ERIDAN, YOU LIKE CODING AND SHIT?**

**TA: yeah ii fuckiing love coding**

**TA: iits the only joy iin my 2ad 2ack of a liife**

**CG: I’VE BEEN WANTING TO CODE MORE, BUT THANKS TO MY FAMILIAR, I DON’T REALLY GET THE CHANCE.**

**TA: what2 your famiiliiar doiing that prevent2 you from codiing???**

**CG: MY OH SO DARLING LOVELY CRAB FAMILIAR LIKES TO AH, HOW DO I PUT THIS POLITELY.**

**CG: FUCKING EVERYTHING UP. THAT’S WHAT HE DOES.**

**CG: HE’S CONSTANTLY SCREECHING BECAUSE HE MESSED SOME SHIT UP.**

**CG: I’VE GOTTEN SO SICK OF IT THAT NOW I JUST SCREECH BACK.**

**CG: IN SOME SORT OF FUCKED UP TWISTED LANGUAGE OF SCREECHING.**

**CG: HE ALSO IS ALWAYS NAGGING ME TO FOCUS MORE ON MY MAGICAL DEVELOPMENT AND SHIT.**

**CG: WHICH KIND OF CAN’T BECAUSE OF PERSONAL REASONS.**

**TA: god ii wii2h ii could 2peak a me22ed up language wiith my famiiliiar**

**TA: my famiiliiar eiither ju2t 2leep2 or do general 2hiitty cat 2tuff.**

**CG: OH, YOUR FAMILIAR’S A CAT?**

**TA: a two headed one yeah**

**TA: cau2e we love dualiity here**

**CG: ARE YOU A GOLD BLOOD GEMINI?**

**TA: yep :)**

**CG: FIGURED SO.**

**CG: OH FUCK I GOT TO GO, MY FAMILIAR IS CAUSING A MESS.**

**TA: 2ee ya later, uh**

**TA: what 2hould ii call you?**

**CG: ...**

**CG: FOR NOW, JUST CALL ME CG.**

**CG: EVEN THOUGH THAT’S KINDA WEIRD.**

**TA: alriight**

**TA: 2ee you later CG**

**CG: SEE YA.**

**\--carcinoGeneticist** **[CG]** **ceased hexing twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **\--**

Not the most awkward first conversation you’ve had. It was definitely better than meeting Vriska for the first time, who came out the gate screeching “YOU CAN’T HAVE MY RIVAL!!!!!!!!” when she found out you and Eridan were friends. Wait, no, “friends” doesn’t really fit your relationship, it’s more like a sibling relation where you act like SiblingsTM. With all of the weird sibling drama and all that shit. Anyways, that first interaction just boiled into a very angry and very awkward glaring contest while Eridan just,,,,was there.

Where were you? Oh yeah, you were procrastinating. Luckily for you, in the two minutes of you talking with CG, your commissioner finally,  _ finally, _ gave you a list of pests they want gone. Whoo!!!!! 

You finish your now cold coffee, and start working on new ward.

\------

It’s been around three months since you’ve first talked to Karkat and dear god, were those two weeks have really been,,,something. You learned that his name was Karkat a couple weeks after first interaction.

Karkat, underneath all the hostility and anger, is a really good listener, and a really, really, kind person. Damn, he is top-tier friend material. It’s no wonder Eridan loves and values him so much as a friend.

He’s like, already your best friend, and it’s only been three months. 

That was faster than Eridan, who took a  _ year _ to gain Best Friend status. The first month of which was just him trying to “tame” you like some sort of feral cat (which worked), and the second month was spent kind of adopting you into the Ampora family.

It’s impressive, really. How the little conversations made you and Karkat close friends.

Just, periodic texts of “How are you doing?” or “How’s your day gone?”, somehow spiral into long talks of nonsense and utter bullshit. It’s a welcomed distraction from the mess that your life has been slowly spiraling into. With all the burnout and stress from your job. You couldn’t remember the last time you’ve met someone you instantly got along so well with. 

You helped him learn how to code more, and in turn he’d dissect and analyse love novels and go on long-ass rants about new books he read. He brought up on multiple occasions on coding a romance visual novel game, and you were like sure! Why not?

You and him stayed up for two days straight with the barest bones of a visual novel.

It was totally worth it.

You currently are grumbling at the code you have been writing for a new game you decided to start developing.  _ Something _ is wrong with it but you have no idea what the fuck is wrong with it. Ah, the dilemma of a coder.

“Okay, you useless piece of shit,” You slam down the rubber duck you retrieved from the foot of the wall that you threw it at out of frustration, “what the  _ fuck  _ am I doing wrong???”

The duck does not respond.

“I mean, I tried literally every single thing I could think of!”   
  


The duck continues to be silent.

“Like, literally, I’ve been writing and rewriting and---AUGH!!”

The duck’s eyes bore into your soul, without a sound.

“Seriously, I’ve thrown everything at this and it’s still not fucking working!”

The duck has ascended to a place far beyond this mortal realm. The only thing left was the physical body it once hosted.

“Seriously, just----fucking, fuckign, just--aUGH!!!!!!!”

You grab the rubber duck and yeet it as hard as you can at the wall. The duck collides with it and drops to the floor.

You scowl at the inanimate object. Coding sucks. 

_ Ping! _ You turn back to your computer, and Karkat has hexed you again. You sigh and slump down into your shitty office spinny chair that you stole from a junkyard. Fuck it. Screw your fucking code, you are going to procrastinate cause fuck the system.

You open up Hexian.

**\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began hexing twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **\--**

**CG: HEY DUDE, I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.**

**CG: MULTIPLE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS.**

**TA: what2 up?**

**CG: OKAY SO.**

**CG: LET’S GO WITH THE EASIEST ONE.**

**CG: I’M PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.**

**TA: haha what the fuck**

**CG: YOU FUCKING HEARD ME.**

**CG: I. HAVE A MUTATION. I'M A MUTATED LIMEBLOOD, SO NOT ONLY DO I GET LIMEBLOOD MAGIC SHIT, I** **_ALSO_ ** **GET CANDY RED BLOOD FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON.**

**CG: AND I’M PRETTY SURE THE CURRENT BABA YAGA WOULD KILL ME.**

**CG: IT REALLY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO ME THOUGH.**

**CG: WHY DO I, AND EVERYONE ELSE LIKE ME HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT BULLSHIT? JUST BECAUSE THE BABA YAGA IS SOME SORT OF SEA WITCH HITLER???**

**CG: IT’S ALSO LOWKEY HIGHKEY FUCKING INSANE, BECAUSE LIKE,**

**CG: LIMEBLOODS GOT EXTERMINATED BECAUSE** **_ONE_ ** **DUDE DECIDED “YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN? IF I JUST FUCKING,,,,,,MANIPULATED THE FEELINGS OF THOUSANDS OF WITCHES AND START A CIVIL WAR WITH HUNDREDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DEATHS.”**

**CG: “AND RUIN IT FOR** **_FUCKING EVERYONE.”_ **

**CG: AND** **_NOW_ ** **WE HAVE A BABA YAGA THE EQUIVALENT OF DONALD TRUMP BUT SOMEHOW SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE.**

**CG: “YOU DON’T HAVE A BLOOD COLOR THAT FITS ONE OF THE BLOODCASTES??? FUCKING DIE THEN, BITCH.”**

**CG: IT’S JUST FUCKING, INSANE.**

**TA: .......**

**TA: alriight ii gue22 thii2 ii2 happeniing now**

**CG: SORRY**

**TA: no thii2 ii2 fiine**

It was most definitely not fine. You’re just learning to roll with it though. You’ve heard weirder. Probably. 

**CG: OKAY UM**

**CG: NEXT THINGY OR SOME SHIT,**

**CG: I, UM.**

**CG: YOU KNOW SOULMATE STRINGS, RIGHT?**

_ Hm. That’s the thing I’m sensitive about.  _ You think while forcing on a strained smile for no one to see.  _ This is fine. _

**TA: yeah? what about them?**

**CG: MY STRING.**

**CG: FUCK.**

**CG: MY STRING ISN’T RED.**

**TA: ...what?**

**CG: MY STRING IS BRIGHT FUCKING PINK. NEON PINK.**

Wait what.

**Wait what.**

**_Wait what._ **

What the fuck, what the FUCK, what the  _ FUCK,  _ WHAT THE  **FUCK,** **_WHAT THE FUCK---_ **

**TA: ....holy 2hiit**

**TA: me too**

**CG: WAIT, WHAT?**

**TA: ii have neon pink 2triing as well what the fuck**

**CG: WHAT THE FUCK.**

**TA: what the fuck.**

**TA: oh 2hiiiisadfggg**

Your string is  _ glowing _ now, what the shit, oh fuck it’s  _ pulling you towards the window _ , holy FUCK.

The string bursts out of the window, a neon pink strand flowing through the wind, connected to your ring finger. The luminescent string a stark contrast to the black of 12A.M black sky. What the  _ fuuuuccckkkkk _ . Alright this is fine everything is fine everything's a-okay what are you talking about? This  _ alright. _ You’re not freaking out.

You shouldn’t be freaking out.

Oh, what the hell, you are freaking out.

**CG: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.**

**TA: dude call me crazy but uh**

**TA: ii thiink we’re 2oulmate2**

**CG: ...**

**TA: iill talk to you later**

**TA: ii have an fii2h to griill**

**CG: WHADDYA KNOW, I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PANIC ATTACK.**

**TA: 2o uh, 2ee ya**

**\--twinArmmageddons** **[TA]** **has ceased hexing carcinoGeneticist [CG]--**

\------

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and, alright you have a solid idea who your soulmate is. Huh. 

It would’ve been nice if you found out...earlier.

See, here’s the thing with being kind of illegal; you have to move. All. The. Time. Every couple months you would have to kind of just,,,,hit the road. You’ve lived in almost every single condition, living in a huge scrapyard, an abandoned bus, an abandoned apartment (jesus christ you have lived in so many abandoned areas). You have a magic generator that provides you with water, electricity, and connection to the internet, so this kinda shit would usually be fine, with Hexian and stuff, but you see; this time, you’re going to be disconnected from the internet. 

The nice thing about your ancestor being a literal jesus (there was a whole fucking war or some shit, something about a tyrranical Baba Yaga or whatever), is that some of Jesus’s devoted followers will occasionally just appearify something to your location. From what you can tell, everything was on a timer, like some sort of magic time capsule.

Two years ago, you were given (read: had it yeeted at your face at twelve A.M) a book that had a bunch of resources the Signless and a bunch of his followers provided for you. One of the resources caught your eye was that somehow, some way, Witch Jesus and Co. dug out a secret tunnel system underneath every major city. This tunnel system was called “Daedalus”. Which is like, sick Theseus allusion but also  _ what and how _ ??? What??? How???? Whatever. You’ve given up questioning a long ass time ago. This information came in very useful when it was tipped off to you that one of the Redglare’s prophecies prophecised (read that ten times fast) said “the next witch jesus is going to be hunted down when he turns 19” or some shit. And whaddya know??? You are the next witch jesus, and you are turning 19. Tomorrow. 

See the dilemma? 

You can't use your generator because it emits magic energy, and you can’t really afford that. Magic is stupid easy to trace and you are trying to be on the run goddammit. You can’t stay with Eridan, because his dad and his older brother are actively chasing you, Kanaya has her own shit to deal with, and honestly? She doesn’t need more stress.

So. You’re kind of just. Stuck. 

You exhale. Jesus Christ, this is. Fucking shitty. 

By some sort of miracle, Eridan’s judgement was right. You and Sollux got along so fucking well. He fucking  _ gets  _ you. He understands, and he doesn’t judge. It was a fucking blast while it lasted, but now you have to fuck off for a year because you were born a certain way people weren’t happy about it.

You’ll have to tell them later. For now, you need to finish packing your laptop, and, your familiar is trying to get your attention oH FUCK--

  
  


_ ǵ̵͔͖͕̦͇̘͕͖͎̌͋̓̎̂͂̈́͜͝͝e̵͔̞̺̗̒̇̿͠͠ͅt̸̥̰̞͙̗̖͙͇̐ ̶̦͖̻̿̅̊̉̂̈́͊o̸̧̧̥͎͇͇̜͛̌̌́͛͜f̷͇̤̩̩̼̝̯͇̬͊̃̚f̷̤̹̤̗̟̯̮̉̃̈́̾̅̔̓͜͝͝! _

  
  
  


_ s̴̢͈͕͎̐̑h̴͚͋́̄͒͌i̵̧̭̹͙̩̿̅̂̚t̴̥̦̃̓͗̔̐̇͌̕! _

  
  
  


**{̵̧̣̞̭̤̩̤̩͗̃̓̿̅͘͘̚ͅc̵̛̤̠͌̈́̀̓͑͑o̷̩͈̒͋ņ̸̠̪̪̮̫͍̦̰̓̿͝͝ͅņ̴̮̃̈́̌̓̿ẻ̶̹̖̱̰̤̪̀̈̋̃̎͊͆͝c̵̙̭̰̿̈́̃̆̽̔̽̕t̶̜̯̭̦͔͋̊̈́̈́̓ͅͅi̶̧̺̗̤̫̝͊̍̇̋ͅo̵̡̮̼̅̈́̋ͅn̵̢̖͇̫̗̤̍̿͆͘ ̷̦̣̞͍͓̋̿l̷̨̧͚̰͚͑͗̿͜͜o̵̧̪͇̣̪̤͎͎̮̾̌̈́͊̾̓̚͜͝s̶̡̥͖̳̣̍͊̇͛͑͌͌ţ̸͙̙̗̼͈̜̳̹̫̃͋̑̔.̵̫͑̂͂̚͝ ̸̖̭͙̬͇̺̣̖̿̑͋͑̉͒͗̍ͅt̷̡̢̮̺̺̾͋̈r̴̫̗̪̙̗̜̱͍͐͒̌͜ỳ̵̡̱̏̎ ̵͕͌͛͐́̇͊̚̚a̴̩͇̐͛͐̍ģ̷͔͓̦̯̫͖͙̜͌͌à̸͛́̍͆̚͘̕͠ͅi̴̦͕̼̝̅̍͌͗͜n̴̢̧͕̥̫͌̌̈̓͛ ̸̡̫͕̪͖̟̬̈́͐̽̿͊̆̈́̏̓͜͠l̷͍̺̪̦͇̙͕̪̉̋̋͘̚͜ͅạ̵̢͚͎͍̰̈͗̈́̚t̶̛̪̤͖̗̺̲̫͒͆̋̈́̃̐̚͜e̷̬͉͎͎̥͎̥̳̝̩̚r̵̨̡̦̞̲͖͙̬̪̜͑́̆̔.̸̢̛̼̣̳̲̙̭̪̀̅̏̋́̈́̎̚͝}̵̡̟̣͈̺̯͐͠͝**

  
  


\------

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **has begun hexing caligulasAquarium [CA]--**

**TA: hey fii2h fucker**

**CA: good evvenin to you too sol**

**TA: iim goiing to break iinto your hou2e iin fiive miinute2**

**CA: wwait wwhat**

**TA: you fuckiing heard me biitch**

**CA: sol wwe havve a fuckin front door you bitchsicle**

**TA: no fuck you**

**CA: sol I swwear ta fuckin god if I find you next to a smashed in wwindoww im going to kill you**

**TA: no you wont :))))))**

**CA: you fuckin bitch of a kind of younger brother**

**TA: awwww thank you eriidan, you piiece of 2hiit**

**CA: thats rude**

**TA: ii know :))))**

**CA: wwait before you go i need to tell you somethin**

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **has ceased hexing caligulasAquarium [CA]--**

**CA: coddammit**

\------

You keep your promise of breaking in.

Riding your janky broom that is very clearly an OSHA violation, you make your way to Eridan’s residence. The broom looks like the equivalent of you took several IKEA cabinets to make a gundam. The broom itself was made out of pieces from several different brooms from the same junkyard you’ve stolen everything else from, and a collection of sigils slapped on to the broom itself. It’s your beautiful fucking mess and you won’t trade anything for it, even though Eridan has begged you to replace it. For ten years straight. Anyways, you are flying towards Eridan’s house that is way too big to be reasonable.

Your earlier revelation has kind of left you in a weird state of mind. On the one hand, cool! You have a soulmate! On the other hand, what? Hey Muse? What the fuck??? But you’ve always kind of just rolled with the punches, why stop now?

Maybe you shouldn't have stayed up for three days straight.

You exhale. Everything just happened so fast. What the fuck. Alright. Whatever. 

You arrive at the huge fucking house. Flying towards one of the tall windows that connects to the library, you get ready to un-defenestrate yourself into the window. 

_ Crash!  _ Ouch. There’s fucking glass in you. That probably wasn't a good idea.

“God fuckin’ dammit, Sol.”

“Hey Eridan.” You grin lopsidedly up towards a very, very pissed off fish-man.

“You’re fuckin’ bleedin’ you dumbass.” He scowls at the mess you made, his weird ear fins deflating in disappointment. “Seriously, please stop crashing through the wwindoww. My family may be rich, but Cronus wwill probably fucking kill me if I havve to keep fixing the wwindowws.”

“Awww, lil’ bro scared of the Eldest Bro???”   
  
“Dude, I’m older than you.”

“Slander.”

“Wwhatevver.” He appearifies a broom and dustpan and starts sweeping up the glass scattered across the hardwood floor. “Wwhaddya need.”

“You told me you recently got an undamaged copy of the Disciple’s diary, right?” You sit up and heal yourself.

He stops sweeping. “Is it about the Strings again?”

“Yeah.” You shift your weight between your legs. “There’s,,,,also something else though.”

“Hm?” 

“Karkat’s a mutant limeblood.” You play with the string on your hoodie.

“Oh.” He continues sweeping. “He told me that last year.”

“What.” 

“I mean,” He pours the glass into a garbage bin and depeariffies the broom and dustpan. “He and I havve been friends for nearly as long as you and I. He helped me get out of a…..fairly unhealthy relationship.”

“Huh.” You walk over to him. “Why didn’t you tell me about him?”

“You nevver asked.” He walks off towards wherever he keeps the copy of the Disciple’s diary,

“That’s fair.” You speed walk to catch up to him. Jesus christ he’s fast.

“Uh, another thing,” You’re still speedwalking, jesus FUCK Eridan,  _ slow down--, _ “You know my weird neon string?”

“Karkat’s your soulmate.” He turns a corner.

“Karkat’s my soulmate.” You turn a corner. “Wait how’d you know?”

“Educated guess.” He climbs up a ladder behind a bookshelf. “Also, I read a little tid-bit about different String colors.”

You sputter a bit. “And you didn’t tell me???” You climb up after him.

“I  _ tried!” _ He yells with frustration. “Ya left before I could explain anathin’!” He rounds another corner.

“Wh--oh. Oh yeah.” You have to walk even faster now, screw you Eridan with you lanky ass legs and quick walking speed. “Mind sharing with the class?”

“Wwhat class?” He unlocks a hidden door, hidden away behind several bookcases. 

“Me. I’m the class.” You enter in after him, and,  _ holy shit _ .

You,,,have never been here before. It is full of books that are literal magic. Flying books, books running around like cats, a book made out of glowing gemstone, a giant book in the corner that’s words shimmer and shift, and so much more. That's not even mentioning the piles upon piles of papers, quills, pens, potions filled with dubious liquids, and gemstones. Astronomy and astrology shit scattered around like a nice little bow on top, two globes nestled in the corner and an actual scale solar system hanging near the top of the very long and big window, because if you know anything about Eridan, it is that he is a slut for floor to ceiling windows.

“Eridan, you overdramatic wizard.” You stare in wonder at the pure Howl’s Moving Castle that is happening in this room.

“Thank you, I’ll take that as a compliment.” He does a mocking bow, and climbs a ladder up to grab the Disciple’s diary.

“Here.” He drops it into your hands. “Read it yourself.”

“Oh come on.” You roll your eyes and flip open the book. 

Oh Jesus, this is long.

Huh. 

_ ~four hours and several revelations later~ _

“OKAY SO,” You are at this point pacing in front of Eridan, a corkboard and red yarn connecting several pieces of paper on it, “THE SIGNLESS’S SOULMATE IS PLATONIC, YES???”

“Yup.” Eridan takes another bite of the ice cream they brought with them after hour two.

“AND EVERY. SINGLE. WITCH WITH CANDY RED BLOOD HAS A PLATONIC SOULMATE CAUSE, UH, FUCKING, CANDY REDS DRAW THEIR POWER FROM EVERYONE AROUND THEM, YES???”

“Mmm-hmm.” Eridan flips the page in his Grimoire, and continues writing.

“SO,” You take a swig of water, “how the FUCK does that  **_make the string fucking NEON PINK?????????????????????????_ ** ”

“That’s the question, ain’t it?” He takes another bite of his ice cream.

You slumped down onto a fancy armchair. Jesus christ. You appearify your phone, and open up Hexian.

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **began hexing carcinoGeneticist [GC]--**

**TA: okay 2o iive fiigured everythiing out**

**\--carcinoGeneticist is offline!--**

**TA: goddammiit**

**TA: fuck iit iim goiing to explaiin what iive found**

**TA: 2o we are ba2iically 2oulmate2 but platoniic**

**TA: cau2e of your weiird mutatiion thiingy**

**TA: get back two me once you are back onliine.**

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **ceased hexing carcinoGeneticist [GC]--**

You deppearify your phone. “Thanks Eridan.”

“No problem.” He drags himself up. “Now, shoo. I need to sleep. It’s four A.M.”

You bid him adieu, and fly back out the window you broke through.

\------

Two months.

It’s been two months.

Two months of total radio silence, two months since you found out Karkat was your soulmate.

Two fucking months.

You sporadically hexed him, asking what was wrong, where was he, if I did anything I’m sorry please just respond.

And finally,  _ finally, _ you get a response.

**\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began hexing twinArmmegeddons** **[TA]** **\--**

**CG: HEY, IT’S BEEN A BIT.**

**CG: THINGS HAPPENED, I GOT SIDETRACKED, AND NOW I’M HEXING YOU ON A JANKY LAPTOP I FOUND IN THE DAEDALUS.**

_ HOLY SHIT  _ **_FINALLY._ **

**TA: kk what the fuck happened**

**CG: TWO WORDS: I GOT HUNTED :).**

**TA: ah**

**TA: ii 2ee.**

**CG: I DIDN'T SAY THIS BEFORE BUT UH,**

**CG: BECAUSE I’M BEING HUNTED, I CAN’T REALLY USE MY GENERATOR OR WI-FI OR SERVICE, BECAUSE AGAIN: BEING HUNTED.**

**CG: THE HUNT IS GOING TO LAST FOR A YEAR. THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE LAST TIME IM GOING TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOU. I’VE TOLD ERIDAN EARLIER, ALONG WITH MY OTHER FRIENDS.** **  
** **CG: I CAN’T RISK BEING CAUGHT.**

**CG: I’M SORRY.**

**TA: dude**

**TA: where are you**

**TA: as iin whiich ciity**

**CG: I’M NOT TOO SURE. I HAVEN’T CHECKED.**

**TA: okay then iim ju2t goiing two do thii2 the hard way**

**CG: WAIT.**

**CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE I SWEAR TO GOD.**

**CG: SOLLUX I’M GOING TO KILL YOU DON’T DO IT FUCKER.**

**TA: iill be fiine**

**CG: THE DAEDULAS IS FILLED WITH TRAPS, DEAD ENDS, AND GENERAL FUCKED UP SHIT. ANYONE WHO ISN’T A CANDY RED WOULD BE DEAD TWELVE STEPS IN.**

**TA: iill manage**

**CG: SOLLUX YOU’RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED.**

**TA: iitll be fiine kk**

**TA: dont worry**

**CG: I’M ALREADY VERY WORRIED.**

**TA: dont be**

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **ceased hexing carcinoGeneticist [CG]--**

**CG: SOLLUX YOU DUMB FUCK.**

**\--twinArmageddons** **[TA]** **began hexing caligulasAquarium [CA]--**

**TA: hey fii2h fuck**

**TA: 2urprii2e, we’re goiing on a 2urprii2e roadtriip**

**TA: pack your bag2 we’re goiing to meet KK iirl**

**CA: wwhat the fuck sol???**

**TA: KK. we meetiin’ hiim.**

**CA: wwhy noww???**

**TA: we dont really have a way two communiicate wiith hiim for liike a year, 2o we better 2ay our goodbyes iin the best way**

**CA: good point actually**

**TA: open your wiindow.**

**CA: .....sol im gonna kill ya one a’these days**

Eridan slides open his window and lo and behold, here you are in all of your gremliness.

“Fuck you.”

“Take me to dinner first.”

“Eww.” He turns around and grabs his backpack. “Are you going to wwait out in the freezing cold, or are you going to come inside?”

“Freeze my ass off on this fine September night, of course.” 

He rolls his eyes at you, and you just grin. After a minute of him shoving shit into his backpack, he appearifies his broom and hops on it.

“Do you havve a solid idea wwhere Kar is?” Eridan shifts his grip on the broomstick handle. “Or are you just trustin’ your string???”

“Take a wild shot in the dark.” You start flying ever so slightly higher.

“...Jesus fuck, Sol.” Eridan pinches the bridge of his nose. You just grin your shit eating grin at him.

“Haha.” You turn your focus to the neon strand attached on your ring finger.

It’s literally tugging you towards your soulmate, like an insistent child. Multiple times, you nearly fall off your rickety broom, cursing a few times while Eridan scolds you saying you should’ve listened to him with replacing the broom, seriously Sol, you’re going to get yourself killed--

You ignore him.

Hours fly by, and you are definitely not in your home state of Washington anymore. Eridan said that according to his map, you and him were in Nevada, in the Great Basin. Miles of sand stretch out beneath you, until you finally spot him.

He’s sitting in front of a laptop with a couple portable batteries connected to it, sitting on a rock. He’s wrapped up in some sort of raggedy brown blanket, and is right next to a couple of boulders forming a cave entrance. You suspect (after four hours of research) it’s one of the entrances to the Daedalus

“KARKAT!!!” You scream down at him.

“Sollux?” He whips around towards you, with a wordless expression. Two big fat tear drops roll down his face.

“And Eridan.” Eridan does sad little jazz hands behind you, as he touches down onto the sandy desert ground. 

“Yeah. We came to give you a proper goodbye--” You barely get out before Karkat tackles you and Eridan with a bear hug.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! Maybe ill make a better part two! If i find the courage and motivation to!


End file.
